"Five and twenty black birds baked in a pie.."
Or was it four?
I don't know. I kind of feel baked in a pie at the moment. Exams are over, so it's not that. Then it must be leaving.
We are moving to An Phu (a HCMC district about 25 minutes away) on Friday. I keep telling myself that I need to start packing. But packing makes me sad. I get sort of into it, then I realize that I am about to move on.
Sometimes I get a wave of homesickness and it's so bad I want to hop a plane right now. Then I start packing, and I realize that I don't want to leave this place. When I get people to sign my yearbook, they're not going to say "Have a great summer." They're going to say "Have a nice life." I am going to miss them terribly. I can't help but wonder, in a place where people are always coming and going, will I be remembered? Will they stay in touch? Or have they been so many places, known so many people that it just won't matter?
I don't know. So packing is hard. I have started a suitcase of stuff that I won't need to even open in An Phu but that I can just put on a plane when I 'm ready. Yet, I find myself not putting away the important things. My posters and pictures of B girl, Wonderwoman, my mom, dad, and brother...I odn't want to pack them up. If I do, it isn't my room anymore. It's an empty space, a hole waiting to be filled.
I can say to myself, "Self, you're not leaving Viet Nam yet, you're just packing for An Phu. You'll be closer to your friends.." Then I remember that they are all leaving for summer holiday in the States which gets me back at square one again.
I don't know. Yes I want to go home, but how can I leave this place? These people? What if I never come back? I selfishly want to leave a big gaping hole...but I don't think I will. Have I mentioned I don't know?
Hmm....
posted by Hillary @ 5:01 AM
3 Comments:
OF COURSE YOU'LL BE REMEMBERED!!!!!! even in a place with people coming and going, tons of people still talk about other people who were there five years ago! you have nothing to worry about chica =] and yes, i know how you feel about the gaping hole thing..it's kinda like you don't want to make people suffer, but you want to know that they'll really miss you. i wonder about that myself a lot.. i wonder how many people are seriously going to miss me every day like i'm going to miss them, and i wonder how many people are actually glad i'm leaving. i hate the packing too. my mom is making us pack up this week and i hate it because it slaps me in the face again that i'm moving. then the movers are going to be here on saturday... now that is going to feel weird. having the whole house boxed up then gone. poof. aside from the stuff that my dad is keeping here.... but still. everything will be gone, and like you said, you don't want to put your pictures away because it feels so empty... i can't really wait until the last day =/
hope you feel better... you and i both know that it will get better... it will just take some time... with some tears inbetween.
I LOVE YOU HILLARY
-amanda<3
You girls have me SOBBING in my classroom!
You both are so special. I agree w/ numb....YOU WILL BOTH BE MISSED...of course you'll be missed!!! Just LOOK at yourselves. You are both lovely, talented, FUN, brilliantly wonderful young women!! Women hard to forget!
But....alas...it's a continuum (keep quiet crum!!!). Those w/ whom the bond is strong will remain strong, even over miles and many, many more miles of ocean. Some friendships, the very special ones, DO withstand the tests of time and distance. It proves to be a glorious gift, cherished like few other aspects of our lives.
Some of these friends will remain distant, even unheard from again. It has much to do with at least one person keeping things connected. Some will lose interest over time (natural attrition, if you will), but....those who choose to remain connected.....ahhhhh....these (even just one!) will be the cherished gift! There will always be those shared moments to replay over and over, totally understood by only 2...or a small fortunate few. Time will tell, sweet girls.
So...as you pack up the 'things' you hold dear, remain cognizant, always, of the feelings that will ALWAYS be yours. And remind yourselves that no matter what the future holds, you have gained from those who have touched your lives.....AND THEY,TOO, are somehow different; better....yes, better!! because of YOU!
Take away with you....from that fabulous place....only that which deepens your perspective and broadens your optimism. Begin the next phase of the journey in thoughtful reflection (you'll have PLENTY of time on the plane(s)). Consider the ways in which these awesome times can become part of you.
Yes girls, you will laugh and cry MUCH these next several days. Allow yourselves to feel it! Then hold your heads up high....and prepare for the next chapter of your amazing lives!!!!!!
There must be rain and sun to make the incredible rainbow (corn-bally, I know, but TRUE nontheless).
Love and HUGS to both of you as your worlds change once again.
Post script......I don't get the 'baked in a pie' analogy?? What am I missing?
love you......
Oh....and it is 4 (not 5) and 20 birds, etc.....SMILE
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